haiz..

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh~.
In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate and the Most Merciful.

words...
can either make you.
or break you.
build you up.
or tear you down.

i woke up this morning sobbing away. i thought sleeping was going to make things better but i ended up having a bad dream instead. i really felt bad. and with the pain spreading all over, it somehow shuts off my mind. haiz..

the pain got unbearable when Mak scolded me for something i didn't do. earlier, i got up and showered, dressed up and packed my bag with planner and pencil box. i wanted to just go somewhere and destress myself. i left the house without kissing Mak as she was in the toilet but she knew i was going out. when i reached the traffic light, i realized her money was in my blouse's pocket. so i walked back home to put the money. she was still in the toilet when i reached home so i just placed it on the table inside her room then walked out again. when i reached MRT, she called me and practically shouted at me on the phone, accussing me for taking the money as it was short of some bucks.

tell me.. who wouldn't feel so hurt when your own blood labelled you as a thief? i tried telling her the real situation but she just didn't want to hear me out. she even cut through my talking. she slammed down the phone and i decided to go back home and give her the amount that I had in hand. my tears just won't stop falling down as I walked back, with her voice ringing through my head, calling me a thief. haiz. i stepped into the house, put the money on the table then walked out back and texted him, hoping he could at least be the one there at that point of time. but my text went unreplied. i knew he meant it. i knew he was mad.

i couldn't think anymore. my head hurts. i broke down at the staircase few blocks away. i cried so hard wishing i could just vanish for the moment. suddenly i feel so lonely and cold. what a bad day to start with. sobbing away, i dragged myself towards the MRT and went to Raffles. i texted abang about the situation.
went to sit at the steps near Moulana and reflected on everything. felt so empty. even texts from love and honey couldn't help easing the emptiness. about an hour or so, took bus to J.East and stayed at the library for quite some time. then i took the train again to town.

*sighs*
now im practically nowhere, no cash, nobody to turn to. and definitely i won't be going home tonight. handphone's battery going flat soon.

i'm so alone.

p/s: i'm really sorry. break me all you want. but hear me out.. *sobs* it's killing me.

Bulan.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh~
Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang.

*ketuk² papan kekunci*
niat hati nak gerakkan jari mereka ceritera tapi apakan daya, kepala rasa fening yang amat.
berpinar-pinar rasanya bila melihat skrin lama sangat.
*kelip² mata*
rasa nak muntah ada, macam nak pitam ada. rasa sakit menjalar ke seluruh anggota tubuh.
pengalaman yang lepas - sampai demam untuk beberapa hari.
haiz.
 
kesian kan aku~..
 
sebenarnya tak penting pun nak buat entri fasal ni.
tapi minta ihsan sedikit.
perasaan sedang bergelora, jiwa bergetar, hati tak menentu, fikiran pun bercelaru.
jadi tolong fahami keadaan ya.
 
kalau windu, boleh dihubungi terus di talian.
afer² cara yang tersedia.
 
*tengok jam*
okay nak balik ni.
 
Wassalam.
 
p/s: suka. suka sangat. rindu. rindu amat.

David Archuleta.

How can you say this is NOT CUTE?
He's wearing my favourite green~ with samping!

Add his precious smile, you'd get a perfect boy.
My current obsession.

Oh my Gucci!

I'd kill to have this dude in my room.

=x

Kiddings eh.

But like yaaaa.

I'm a sucker for a boy in Baju Melayu.
If he really did wear songkok that day, i'd really go for the kill.

=))

*prays for a muslim version of David Archie*

-------------------------------------------------------------

p/s: i need to stop. it's taking a toll on me. it hurts somehow.

pp/s: "..cause the possibility that you would ever feel the same way about me.. just too much.. just too much.."


note: yelahhhh.. sekarang semua mana nak ajak owang keluar lagi kan~.. sibuk sangat katanya tapi ade da sampai kat seoul garden.. tak pun kat Carousel. *pouts*

Mencari atau Menjadi?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh~
Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang.

Sesuatu untuk dikongsi bersama, memandangkan isu ni disentuh oleh seorang teman *winks*

MENCARI ATAU MENJADI?

“Saya sedar saya tidaklah sehebat Fatimah, sebab itu saya perlukan suami yang soleh seperti Ali untuk membimbing saya”, kata seorang mahasiswi.

“Ana memang tidak sebagus Ali, sebab itu ana kena pilih isteri yang sempurna macam Fatimah. Ana tak mampu nak memFatimahkan seorang yang tidak Fatimah!”, tegas seorang mahasiswa.

Semua sibuk mencari. Mudahkah untuk mendapatnya?

Semua sibuk mencari. Jika jumpa, mudahkah untuk mengekalkannya?

Kita bertemu dengan pasangan hidup semasa duduk dalam suasana usrah. Alhamdulillah, imejnya berjubah dan bertudung labuh. Tetapi mampukah kita mengekalkan isteri kita pada benchmark solehah seperti itu di sepanjang alam rumah tangga? Dia mungkin akan diubah oleh suasana kerja, dia mungkin akan diubah apabila kembali ke pangkuan keluarga, dia mungkin berubah atas banyak pengaruh, atau paling utama, dia mungkin berubah kerana dia memang berubah.

Maka mampukah kebahagiaan dan kesempurnaan rumahtangga dipertahankan, jika suami meletakkan kesempurnaan itu ialah pada apa yang isteri buat dan tidak buat, jadi atau tidak jadi?

Kita mahu mencari pasangan hidup yang soleh, dan kita menemuinya di dalam suasana semua lelaki nampak sempurna. Semasa bercinta, dialah Ultraman, dialah Gaban. Tetapi siapa sangka, selepas berumahtangga, Ultraman berubah menjadi raksasa!

Jika bahagia dan sempurnanya rumahtangga ialah pada apa yang suami buat atau apa yang isteri buat, kita akan hidup dan mati dalam pencarian. Pencarian yang tidak berkesudahan.

Maka jika mahu mendapatkan yang soleh, kurangkan sedikit agenda menCARI si Soleh, tetapi berusahalah menJADI yang solehah. Jika inginkan yang solehah, janganlah cerewet sangat menCARI yang solehah, tetapi berusahalah menJADI yang soleh.

Bertemu yang solehah, solehahnya dia belum tentu kekal. Bertemu yang soleh, solehnya boleh berubah… kerana si solehah dan si soleh adalah insan biasa.

Tetapi jika semua orang fokus kepada JADI dan bukannya CARI, maka ramailah calon, dan mudahlah sedikit kehidupan. Dan kita sendiri tidak bimbang untuk berumahtangga dengan pasangan itu walaupun mungkin tidak 100% (30% pun belum tentu) mengenalinya.

Apa yang nak dibimbangkan, kita berkahwin sebagai sebahagian daripada proses untuk MENJADI, bukan MENCARI.

Wassalam =)

Sumber: Nur Jeehan @ Hadithuna
-----------------------

p/s: seen. felt. understood. forgotten.

A Reflection.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh~.
In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate and the Most Merciful.


Afraid to Read
Dawud Wharnsby Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBGMQpmTWj0&feature=related

How many words she's read before,
She's consumed two thousand books or more.
Musty pulp and glue soundproof her tiny room.
She cannot understand why this book in her hand
Fascinates her now so much that she's almost shy to touch.

Don't think about the words its just a book - paper and ink
She reaffirms, reminds herself, a book can't dictate what to think.
It invites, intrigues her more than others on her shelf
Is it just another book? - She sits questioning herself.

Oh Allah, she's so afraid to read,
The wisdom thats revealed may burrow in her mind
She'll be obliged to admit,
She'll be obliged to submit
But will she be strong enough to live the truth she finds?
Oh Allah, she's so afraid to read.

The hall light is always on every night that he is gone.
He hears his mother toss in bed when he slips in at dawn.
In the book case by the stair, he can see it sitting there
Like a waiting watchful wise-man scolding him with care.
In the morning will they fight about him being out all night?

Will he resent their gift of love and not admit that they are right?
All he wants is to fit in some place, but must he compromise his faith?
He can't look himself or his parents in the face.
He takes the book upstairs unread and sets it closed next to his head
Then counts the prayers he's missed and lays so hopelessly in bed.

Oh Allah, he's so afraid to read,
The wisdom that's revealed may burrow in his mind
He'll be obliged to admit,
He'll be obliged to submit
But will he be strong enough to live the truth he finds?
Oh Allah, he's so afraid to read.

I sent an email to my loved one, just the other day
It's sad communication has evolved this way.
We use so many words but have so little to relay
As angels scribble down every letter that we say.

All the viral attachments sent and passionate insults we vent
It's easy to be arrogant behind user passwords we invent.
But on the day the scrolls are laid, with every word and deed displayed,
When we read our accounts, I know, for one, I'll be afraid.

That day I'll be so afraid to read,
Every harsh word that Ive spoken - and every time I have lied.
I'll be obliged to admit,
I'll be obliged to submit
Will I have strength owning up to each deed Ive tried to hide?
Oh Allah, I'm so afraid to read.

---------------------------

SMM: Sometimes the reason why we distance ourselves from the Qu'ran, from furthering our knowledge of Islam is the fear of knowing and being reminded how far we have gone astray.

Wallahu'alam =) 

Aper cakap?!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh~.

bosan.bosan.bosan.
kenapa mesti aku yang selalu kena pertahankan sesuatu perkara tu?
tak aku, kau. tapi nanti tetap berbalik kat aku juga.
dari semalam.
dari masa² yang lalu.

WIRE SAPE YANG AKU DAH LANGGAR SEKARANG NI?

bila aku cakap, orang tak nak ambil kisah pun.
bila orang lain cakap, aku pula yang kena mengadap benda alah tu.
asal mesti aku?

ASAL?

sebab aku ni orang yang paling bising sekali kat dunia ni ke sampai hal ehwal orang pun aku nak sebutkan?
sebab aku ni suka menyibuk sangat, hari² korang kena baca sms aku.
sebab aku ni tak pandai jaga mulut ke sampai nak buka pekung di dada?
sebab aku ni tak layak berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah dengan korang ke, sampai kena hidup dalam kepura-puraan?
sebab aku ni hina sangat ke, sampai mempunyai kawan yang suka makan kawan?

kesiannya aku.

CK: "If somebody says something to you that hurts, instead of going into unconscious reaction such as attack, you let it pass right through you. Offer no resistance, that is forgiveness."

aku sayang, tapi kadang² rasa sayang aku tu membawa padah.

*emo mode*

nak nangis boleh?
---------------------------
p/s: a few late night texts meant something. but i didnt have the heart to talk it out. let it be.

pp/s: even when the air is cleared, do i still hold on to those words? seriously there will never be a space for me to even try?

Love.

"..Now we share the same bright sun,
The same round moon
Why don’t we share the same love
Tell me why not
Life is shorter than most have thought.
Hold my hand
There are many ways to do it right
Hold my hand
Turn around and see what we have left behind.."